Although it's been almost six months since I left Finland, my year in Leppävirta is still actively a part of my life. Admittedly, I rarely speak Finnish anymore, but every where I turn in my new life in Montreal, I am reminded of what the past year brought for me. Walking down the streets, with the cold wind in my face, I can only imagine that I am in Finland again. I welcome the feeling now, though during my exchange I always dreaded the way my cheeks would burn after the brisk walk to school. Every day, I look at pictures from my year, pictures of my host families, friends and home, and I wish I could go back, or at least just enjoy the Finnish winter once again. I'm coming to visit soon, though. This summer, I'm planning to stay a week in Leppävirta, so I've already started practicing my Finnish again, just in case it's gotten a little rusty.
Last week, I skyped with one of my host families for the first time since I left. It was such an odd experience, to see my family again and to feel like I was with them. My little sister, Loviisa, kept asking me if I'd be coming home tonight. We promised to write to each other, even though she's only 4.
Recently, I've been picking up the old hobbies I had in Finland, too. With all my free time during exchange, I spent hours making paper snowflakes with my little sisters or knitting with Mummo. Now that it's exam time, oddly enough I have plenty of time to do these things during study breaks. While classes were in session, though, I was always rushing from one lecture to another, using my breaks to catch up on reading or prepare for a midterm. I don't have classes anymore, though, and my next exam is on Friday, so I've been knitting a lot, but mostly just reminiscing.
The thing I miss most about Finland is the feeling of belonging. Although, it's true, I'm not anywhere close to being a Finn-I'm talkative, outgoing, and I find it hard to keep to myself, there was always something about not belonging that made me feel just right living in Finland. There, I always knew what to expect, and finding an excuse for something I wasn't ready for was easy- it's just because it's Finland. Every day, I think about those last months I spent in the Finnish spring. The memory is stark in my mind; all the light made the colors brilliant, and the warm air and budding flowers make for the most beautiful picture. What I think I never would have predicted, though, was how much I'd miss the winter. I hated it while I was there, but there was something especially novel about it. Here, it's dark, but there's no snow, and it'd be embarrassing to say it was cold outside. I miss walking down the street over snow that's been packed since November, not being able to see the sky because there's a blizzard (again), and having to kick your shoes against the wall when you walk inside because the rocks and snow are all stuck to the soles of your feet. I miss going skiing with my host families, falling over in the snow, not being able to get back up when I'm alone...
I miss my host family, too. Memories of going to sauna every week, of waking up at midnight and hearing my host dad leaving for work. My little sisters running and screaming in the house, or coming home during the day because I didn't have class- or worse, because I didn't feel like going.
I miss my school in Finland. Granted, I hardly fit in till about February. My Rotary counselor, Markus, was so kind, and what I understood of his history lessons was actually quite interesting. I think I'd enjoy it even more now. I remember how we'd sit in the common room, and the younger boys would play techno music even though it was 10 in the morning. And the people who would later be my friends were always too shy to speak English in front of me.
Every day, these memories form a huge part of my life. A lot of the time, I thought that when I left Finland, that would be the end of the story. But maybe it was just the beginning. The beginning of a lifetime of continuing the memories I started there, and of treasuring the love and kindness that was shown to me. I can only hope that one day I can offer the same thing to someone else, because everything that was done for me in Finland was a gift that changed my life completely, and every time I remember that gift... Well, it makes me all the more thankful.
